Bitter Waters

I would have never thought
that I could be this sensitive
this picky
this messy.
That a certain smell or sight
could make me fall apart.
I cannot even begin
to express this guilt
this weight
this heaviness
because I know what I'm destroying:
it was what I coveted most.
But hey,
if I can't have it why should anyone.
Why can't I just be happy for you
I don't know.
I just don't know
where this spring of bitter waters
flows from within me
I wish I could stop it up
and make the out pouring cease
for your sakes at least.
But I cannot.
I'm sorry I've tainted your well
with my own poison
It was never my intention
but I can't wipe the blood from my hands
I can never claim innocence.