Laughable Adult

I used to have this picture of myself
far away in the future
being this slender,
dominant woman,
wearing high heels
pencil skirts
getting my hair cut every six weeks
manicured nails.
When I was young
I thought no way would I grow up
to be the odd awkward one.
I should not have been surprised
that an odd awkward child
grew into an odd awkward adult,
no one else seems to be.
In some ways though,
I feel that if I trade my tromping boots
for heels,
my long hair
for a stylish bob
my worn jeans
for pencil skirts
I will not be the person on the outside
who reflects the person inside
I look awkward
because I am awkward,
I look ugly at times
because inside I am ugly
but it is ok
no one  is sitting in the judges panel,
I'm not walking down the runway
I'm lucky if someone recognizes me.
I have no regrets about not being
that sharp dominant woman
I'd rather be an approachable adventurer